Wednesday Nov 4, 2009 (9 p.m.)
Dear Friends,
I’ve been doing better the last few days and have actually worked pretty much a full week so far. I appreciate those of you who have written and sent notes of encouragement.
Wanted to let you know that Shayley will be a featured guest at the free, First Fridays event at the Jacksonville Center for the Arts in Floyd this Friday. It goes from 5 to 8 p.m., I understand. Books will be available and Shayley will be signing, so please drop by and see us. There will be snacks and lots of cool stuff to see. (If you don’t know, the Jacksonville Center is a renovated two-story barn just outside the town of Floyd, on Route 8 South—email us or see www.jacksonvillecenter.org for directions.)
My next vaccine at Duke is Tuesday, November 10. Since the doctor said the reactions will likely get worse each time, we’re just going prepared to stay in Durham for a few days in case we need to get back to the hospital there. Just two more vaccines to go!
I made the mistake a couple nights ago of looking at the latest prognosis on Stage IV Colorectal cancer patients. The average survival time past the metastatic surgery is 13 months. I can’t quite relate what it feels like to read numbers like that. No matter how much your head knows that averages encompass wide ranges and that it’s not an upper limit, it sets your heart and mind sideways, and you get a queasy feeling in your gut. Here in a couple weeks, I’ll be at the 12-month mark. I’ve realized that for a year-and-a-half now I’ve been adjusting to the idea that life may span only another year. The funny thing, my mind never allows that time to reduce. It’s as if I’m in a perpetual mode of living one more year. Not a bad way to live, as long as it’s always one more year.
I don’t dread Tuesday all that much (yet), but already I feel the tension rising in anticipation of December 1st when I have my next CT scan at Duke. I think I used this analogy back in early July, but it’s like waiting to see what your sentence is—except you hope for life. When questionable pains or discomforts arise, the anxiety only builds. In these times, the highs are higher, as you try to thrill in the time spent with family and friends, and the lows are lower as anxiety swallows patience. I know that I become more fun in some ways, but also more difficult to live with and be around. So pray for Charlie and Shayley!
I continue to pray that God grant me 9 more years to raise Shayley and to encourage Charlie as he transitions to a new career. I thank you for your patience in listening to these things, and for your countless prayers on this journey.
With love, Lydeana
